As dictated by J.D. (aka Jus’a Dawg) Evans
By: Edie Gross
10. You no longer have to kick up 10 percent of your kibble rations to Viktor the Saluki.
9. At the pound, half a cup of kibble, twice a day (minus the 10 percent for Viktor). At home, all-u-can-eat leather furniture—with unlimited sides.
8. Hot, hot Yorkie action down the street.
7. At the pound, flea shampoo massaged into your fur. At home, real poo massaged into the carpet.
6. At the pound, pee is visible on tile floors and gets cleaned up immediately, with no time to savor. At home, pee gets stored in carpet for years and you get to enjoy the aroma.
5. At the pound, you can bark all day and be ignored. At home, just 20 minutes of barking makes the next-door neighbor wave his fists and deploy the Garden Hose of Encouragement.
4. Two words: Sticking your head out the car window. (I don’t know how to count.)
3. At the pound, crotch-sniffing is limited to Visiting Day. At home, every day is a crotch buffet.
2. No TV at the pound, but at home you get to stream your favorite Stephen King movies: “The Whining,” “The Pawshank Redemption” and “Children who have Corn.”
1. At home, you can sit around and lick your balls all day. At the pound . . . never mind. Come to think of it, that’s the last place I saw mine.
Jus’a Dawg “J.D.” Evans, D.O.G., is a former inmate of the Spotsylvania County Animal Shelter. Since being released from incarceration at the end of 2022, he has earned his Dogtorate of GoodBoy Studies in an effort to impress the Yorkshire Terrier up the street. You can find him on PooTube, FaceBone and Twitter, where he follows Neil Degrasse Tyson and Greta Thunberg, whose position on limiting gaseous emissions makes him put a concerned paw to his chin.